San Diego Backyard Elopement | Ashley & Alan
San Diego Backyard Elopement
Like many other 2020 couple, Covid-19 totally f-ed up Ashley and Alan’s original wedding plans. A big wedding in La Jolla to show off San Diego to all their out-of-town family and friends was the vision, but getting married and starting that chapter was the most important. These two were basically on plan g at this point (we literally didn’t even know where we were going to do it until the day before!!), but they didn’t care. This Airbnb was the perfect location for them to elope in private on the day that was so important to them and I can’t believe how perfectly it all came together. Even though Ashley and Alan’s guests couldn’t be physically with them on their wedding day, their guests still ‘showed up’ for them and it felt like they were right alongside us. After the ceremony, they opened up the laptop with glasses of champagne and watched videos of their family and wedding party giving them well wishes and messages - many of them dressed up (or wearing their dress nice shirt + boxers). Ashley opened a letter from her sister and inside was what would have been her sisters maid-of-honor speech, and the officiant read it and played the role of MOH perfectly. At the end of our time together, they opened up the laptop again and watched a video of their band performing their first dance song (a band they saw live by accident on one of their first dates), followed by videos of all their people dancing like crazy to reception music. All of this was unplanned to them and totally a surprise - and I am so inspired by the way their people were still able to celebrate right alongside them... and what it meant to these too is so hard for me to explain in words (so I let Ashley fill me in below!). it was such a gift to witness and capture. I’m so excited to see new creative ways people are loving on each other during this time and still making these days so special for people they love. Corona virus is messing up so much for so many of us, and having these moments of celebration is so life-giving. Weddings may not be what we thought or planned, but they can still be so special, maybe even more special than we planned. This day is such a great example of that and I hope for more backyard elopements so we can keep celebrating!!!!
All the pivots and planning for Ashley and Alan was so emotional, and I loved their attitude through it all. Read Ashley’s words for how to stay positive, remember what’s important, and plan the perfect elopement. :)
> How did your wedding day end up different than your original plan for your wedding?
Ha! Where do we begin? When we first started planning, we considered eloping or having a small, more informal wedding. And then we remembered that inviting our immediate family alone far exceeds a small wedding, and adding close friends put us at a full wedding. It was really important to bring them all together...so that's what we planned! All of our family and many of our friends are on the East Coast and we wanted them to see where we live and experience San Diego, and everyone was excited to have a weekend wedding celebration. There were rooms and flights booked, events planned for our birthdays (the day before and after our wedding) payments made, and everything seemed to come together like magic. Fast forward two months and probably seven revised plans later (every time we thought we had COVID figured out...) and we found even more magic than we could have imagined. On 5/10/20 we were married at a beautiful property, under an ivy covered white arch built by my husband and good friends, wearing our dress and suit, with beautiful flowers, lockdown haircuts, and tons of love and laughter. So in all the important ways, it was exactly as we originally planned.
> How was it feeling as the wedding day approached with everything that was going on?
It was intense the week before the wedding. We were trying to juggle being excited for the wedding, while worrying about loved ones back home in New Jersey/New York who were extremely impacted by COVID, and mourning the unfortunate passing of loved ones. The day before the wedding, our rental property canceled. We had less than 24 hours to find a new property and figure out how to get married the next day. So, we slammed a glass of whiskey, danced around our apartment, and let go of any remaining expectations we had (which were already few!). We found a property that night (if we knew we didn't have to start replanning our wedding until the day before...), and that is when everything started to feel magical again.
> Was it a hard decision to cancel your big wedding and move forward with an elopement? Tell me about that decision!
Our wedding date selection felt very serendipitous. We were engaged on my birthday, May 9th and were out celebrating on his birthday, May 11, when an amazing couple pointed out that we clearly had to get married on 5/10/20. So at first, it felt very easy to say that we would still get married that day and party later. But it got so much harder as the weeks went on, as the COVID restrictions increased and reality set in that no one from outside Southern California would be able to attend (and maybe not even them!). We were sad for us to not have our parents and siblings and close family and dearest friends, but we were also really sad for them. At times we felt so guilty, particularly for feeling like we were crushing our parents' excitement and life experience. And for our friend who was to marry us (we met at her wedding) to not be our officiant. But with so much uncertainty around how long this shitty COVID situation would last, we did not feel comfortable putting our wedding off indefinitely. Through many conversations together and with such gracious friends and family, we finally made the call to move forward. Even after that, there were days that we would 'have a moment' but then we focused on all the amazing and positive things and our excitement to be married.
> How did friends and family react to your elopement plans?
We are the most fortunate people. Our parents were immediately supportive and encouraged us to move forward. And they kept their own disappointment aside and made sure that we were happy and confident and felt supported in our decision and throughout the process. Our siblings and close family and friends were all equally amazing. One of the things we cherish most about this experience is being able to look back at how unbelievably kind and empathetic everyone was to us. They sent cards and gifts, daily texts and calls. When we sent the official "it's canceled...funny replies only" group text, we had a ton of sarcastic replies (we are not the most formal people) that had us cracking up. We already felt super loved by everyone flying across the country for us but somehow even more as their flights were canceled. Damn, we just have the best community.
> How did your friends and family still show their support and 'show up' for you on your wedding day even though they couldn't be there?
Writing thank you cards for everyone was extremely challenging because it was impossible to fully relay our gratitude for how much everyone showed up on our day. I was never one for dreaming of a 'fantasy wedding' but that day I thought, shit, I feel like I am in a Disney movie. It truly felt like someone was waving a magic wand and bringing details together that made our day so incredibly special. Leading up to the wedding we received coordinated deliveries of champagne glasses, slippers and an outfit for getting ready, a dress to change into after the wedding, and so many other amazing gifts. The evening before the doorbell rang and there were the most beautiful flowers I could imagine. Then a cake and cupcakes and cutter. I had my mom and my sister on FaceTime with me as I did my hair and makeup and got dressed, and Alan had his family. My best friends sent me a framed picture of them holding up signs saying "You look beautiful!" and "It's your wedding day!" that I got to open while I was getting my dress on. Our good friend stepped up to become our officiant, and two others for our witnesses, the local friends set up the arch and flowers, brought us dinner the night of, Bloody Mary fixings and breakfast delivery the morning after from our New Jersey crew. But we were completely blown away by the surprise videos. We still tear up every time we think about them! After the ceremony, our sisters coordinated for us to pull up a few downloads on the computer. The first one was short videos from our bridal party and parents, wishing us well. Alan's sister somehow got the artist to record a music video of our wedding song, dedicated to us! And if that was not enough, then came the video compilation of all of our wedding guests dancing to "Signed, sealed, delivered" which obviously brought us to a perfect mixture of laughter and tears. We felt so loved and agreed at that moment that our sisters are way better people than us and our families and friends had topped us in a way that we can never ever compete with or repay.
> What was your favorite moment from the day?
My favorite moment was when Alan and I were replaying the day at the end of the night. I commented on how it all came together like magic and how it was so crazy that it seemed so perfectly orchestrated. He was smirking, at which moment I realized it was magic, entirely and secretly coordinated by my husband (aside from the videos which were a surprise for the both of us!). That moment solidified what it was all about and I felt more happy than I can ever remember feeling before. Alan's favorite memory was "when you walked out," "oh and when it was just us standing under the arch," "oh and our first dance," "and the video."
> When you were planning your original wedding, what was most important to you? How did you keep that in mind while changing your plans?
We just tried to remind ourselves that it was always about being married, and though it evolved into this big and wonderful wedding that we were so looking forward to, it was something that we felt we could recreate later. We knew our family and friends would be just as excited to party and celebrate with us later (maybe even more so after months of lockdown!). I mean just imagine how hard people are going to hug and laugh and party when this is all over! Maybe an anniversary party or vow renewal, or just a party! We aren't worrying about if and when that will happen yet (we don't feel like being surprised by COVID again just yet, maybe when it is a more distant threat) but we know it can be done!
> Do you have any advice for couples planning their weddings in the age of corona?!
Don't. Kidding! Life tends to surprise you and it is so important to remind yourself that it is your choice what you do with it. You can focus on what you are missing or losing but then you will miss and lose all the magic in those moments too. Be upset, have your moment of grief or disappointment and then figure out what is most important to you...there is no wrong answer. Think of the things you (collectively) must have and the things you can let go of and that will help lead you to what your best path will be (postpone and keep original plans, change it up, whatever). Something is not going to go "right" but maybe you'll find, like we did, that it somehow all goes perfectly too.
> Is there anything else you'd like to share about this experience and process?
Kami is the best! We loved her spirit and professionalism from the start and she proved to be such an amazing part of our day! First of all, I should have recorded her and played it back for our daily affirmations (ha! but I am serious we felt like we were absolutely killing it all day). And her passion for her work comes through and it is so important, especially in a small and intimate setting, to have such a positive and kind vibe was invaluable. Even my mom and sister loved 'hanging out' with her while we were getting ready. And the pictures..well, she's pretty good at that part too ;) She went above and beyond to make the day happen for us and offered support that you just don't see often in business. Thank you, Kami!
